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Inner Child

Last night as I was in “the artist way class” I’m talking with Nicole Oman, I was smacked in the face once again with signs! It was all about looking at our inner child. Finding that innocence again while learning to recognize the triggers that cause us to have anger and using that anger as fuel in the right way. As we were in meditation we were supposed to imagine ourselves as a child. For a couple minutes I could not get out of my head and said to myself “this is bullshit.” Once I said it I realized how much I was stuck in my head and it was causing me frustration. As soon as I noticed that trigger I was able to visualize myself as a child. And through meditation I saw myself as a young girl so carefree and full or joy. I saw the heart ache in my eyes, but yet they were still sparkling back at me. It made me realize that I need to slow down in life and find my inner child. I need to go take myself to do things that I loved to do as a child. When the class came out of mediation almost everyone in the room was crying. I thought to myself, did I not do that right? Why am I not crying? Then on the drive home, it hit me and I started bawling my eyes out. I realized as a child almost every memory I had, my grandmother, who recently passed, was in it. Then I realized almost everything I’ve learned in life like cooking, cleaning, singing, dancing, playing imagination games, taking care of people and pets, was all because of my grandma. She was like a mother and grandmother to me, all in one. I don’t have memories of my parents teaching me these life skills. It was all her, well mostly. I was crying because my inner child wants to take me back to her and those times and in reality I can’t go back there, as much as I want to. So now I’m learning how to deal with those emotions and learning that if I can embrace my inner child more I can be reminded of the feeling of joy I got when I was with her. I can also have more thanks to the simple things in life that she taught me. So once again, I look back and realize I didn’t meditate the wrong way, I had no real reason to get angry that I couldn’t find my inner child right away and wake up crying like everyone else. All I needed to do was get out of my head and stop thinking and let my heart take me to what it wants to show me. It’s amazing when you can synchronize your heart and your mind together what it will show you!

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