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What’s Your Darma?

Finding out what your Darma is can be quiet an eye opener. I found out my Darma this week and man did I get triggered when doing so. I have always been that girl, that other girls hate because of my beauty. I never “fit in” to one group. I was always judged right away because of my looks and never given a chance to show the true me. Girls always formed an opinion about me before I could even say hi. Jealousy and hate they had towards me when really they had no real reason at all. They would project their own insecurities out on me and create a energy that was so uncomfortable to be around. It was like I was never wanted and I always wondered why? What did I ever do to you? Why are you being so mean to me without any reason for it? These questions I’ve played over and over in my mind throughout my whole life. The other night while I was in “the artist way” class, someone from the group was triggered by me. A comment was made to me, questioning me if i was strong enough to hold space in the room. Right then and there, in that split moment, I was triggered!! Man did an old wound pop right out of my chest! There was that girl taking her anger out on me, projecting me to be an unworthy person for the job because of her own securities. I had to deal with all that pain of WHY again! I was angry I had to deal with this emotion again because of someone else! I realized that wound had not yet in fact been healed and that at some point throughout my life I’m going to have to deal with women who have triggers with me again. Usually I just push people like this out of my life completely. Right? Because who wants people who are going to bring negativity to your life around you? No one wants that. However, I realized I’m going to be in this position again at some point in my life so I need to learn how to deal with these situations in a different way so they don’t affect me anymore. The girl and I did an exercise called the Misner method. Once I showed my vulnerability I showed her that its not all sunshine and rainbows for beautiful women. It’s a blessing and a curse. It’s my Darma. People proceed me to be this perfect beautiful woman, but they have no idea inside the hurt I feel. All the years of pain and anger I’ve carried through my life because of girls being so mean to me for no real reason other than insecurities they have around me. It’s very painful and hurts tremendously! Once she told me sorry and that she had no idea I was treated this way my whole life and had no idea I actually had pain inside, she realized how she triggered me and was able to heal a part of her insecurities. It took me breaking down and crying for her to realize I am a human being who has feelings just like her. In that moment I realized this is how I embrace my Darma, by allowing people to see my vulnerability. For so long I held it all inside never showing anyone I cry because I never wanted to give the other person the satisfaction that they hurt my feelings. I never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me, but I realize now by showing them my true feelings they can realize what they do and how hurtful they can be. It made both parties heal and learn how to handle themselves differently. Everyone has a Darna and everyones is unique. When you can learn to fully embrace your Darma that’s when you find where you true power lies.

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